Fellow Feeling

I confess to knowing about philosopher Max Scheler other than he exists. Actually, one other thing I know about him is a phrase he coined: fellow feeling. It strikes a chord with me because I believe it very much relates to communication. Such a description pertains to those moments when we feel we have connected with someone else or that we are on the same wave length with another. Does this mean we are in total agreement with that other person? To that, Scheler says, "no." In fact, "fellow feeling," according to its inventor, refers more to a recognition that another person has " a reality equal to our own."

At times, for many of us, that is not easy to do. For instance, we have a perspective on a particular issue and someone else sees that issue in a totally opposite way. In much of today's climate, we would respond to that differing opinion by calling its owner some sort of insulting name and then disregarding him or her as not worth listening to. I confess to being guilty of this. I concede that is not a good thing. Scheler would sit me down and point out the importance of one stepping outside their own ego and being more open to a kind of collective thinking. Does this mean we need give up on our own views and think like everyone else? No way. But what Scheler is suggesting is that we should strive to develop a deeper mutual understanding with others.

That brings me to effective communication. Ideally, as communicators, we must be better listeners and, as a result, gain a better grasp of how others think and feel rather than being quick to condemn on the simple basis another's view does not jive with ours. Is this easy to do? Heck no. Many important things, especially communication when it works, do not always come easily. But once a "fellow feeling" is embraced, then the next stop in the communication journey is mutual understanding.