Turn at the Top

Growing up, probably my biggest passion was baseball. As much as I loved its history and pouring over the endless statistics of pat and present players, even more so I loved playing the game. I played little league baseball throughout my youth right up into my high school years. Without embarrassment or exaggeration, I can say I was among the best - if not the best - player in the various leagues in which I played. What made me as good as I was at the time was, in large part, my level of coordination and overall physical majority. I was bigger than most of my peers and therefore more developed than the majority of those with whom I played and competed.         

My top dog status on the field did not last forever, however. Looking back, it was around the time I turned 15 or 16 years of age when others began matching my skills and, in a number of cases, surpassing me on the field. The reason for this was simple: they begin catching up with my physical development. As a result, I was no longer the most coordinated or strongest one of the lot. My so-called reign was over. Others took my place in the spotlight. I was no longer the acknowledged "man" "on the field. Thinking back to that part of my history, one of my lessons very much relates to cycles in communication.    

There are times in all of our lives when various people or organizations of some sort seem to dominate those around them. Then, at the same, there are nearly as many folks who at some point lose their dominant position. To me, this illustrates the reality that nothing lasts forever. Those in-charge and who have, accordingly, the top rung on the ladder inevitably lose that position. Others take over. For a while their voice may be the dominate one, but at some point that changes. This is one reason why those who do dominate should be respectful of others and be generous with their so-called spotlight. At the same time, those not in the spotlight should take heart and continue striving to be the best communicators they can. In all likelihood, they will have their turn being heard the most.         

Dentists

Stand back everyone. I am about to do something that few have ever tempted before. I am going to give a shout-out to dentists. You heard me right. I am going to complement the nearly 196,000 practicing dentists in the U.S. today. Do not try to talk me out of it, especially because when it comes to communication they deserve it. Think about it. This is a group of professionals that nobody - not even their families - want to see. In fact, it is not unusual for folks to postpone seeing the dentist as long as they can or, for some, avoid seeing altogether. As they developed a reputation of being very expensive and making people of all ages feel uncomfortable, it is no wonder they never come close to being at the top of peoples' list of folks who are most admired.  

Given that, generally, dentists do great work. And they do it under challenging circumstances. First of all, there is the technical end of their job. Secondly, whether they are pulling or cleaning teeth, filling a cavity or performing a more complicated procedure, their "audience" is one that could be described as being hostile or, at the least, present-with-reservation. Then there is the matter of explaining to their patient what exactly needs to be done in a way that is understandable, non-threatening and reassuring. None of that is easy when communicating with a person who is in all likelihood not in the best frame to listen as well as they should.

In my lifetime I have spent far too many hours at the dentist. In fact, as I write this I have several what I would term heavy-duty appointments coming in the next few weeks. Yet as a result of the sensitive and forthright way in which my dentists explained what needs to be done, I am not feeling nearly as stressed as I might be otherwise. The work that dentists do goes beyond behind their "work." They are also in the communication business in a very real way. For dentists, if they do not do this aspect of their job well, then what follows is much more difficult. So, high-five to all the men and women who tell us to sit back and open wide.

The High Road

"The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation," Bertrand Russell once said. A big reason that sentiment has long appealed to me is that it speaks to the core of communication. At its most basic and, I believe, best is when interaction between individuals or others generates collaboration. Despite differences of opinion or perspective, it is a genuine blessing when folks do not let even that get in the way of the way of their working in unison and/or side-by-side. When this happens it signifies a shared recognition that few things are better than those that serve the greater good. Effective and respectful communication supports that.

Russell also observed that folks exhibit a capacity for self-destruction. As a result, he indicated an uncertainty as to whether mankind will choose conflict over cooperation. I sure hope not. But like Russell, I have doubt. Even Albert Einstein commented on mankind's taste for self destruction despite a reality that demonstrates an ability to work well together and maintain peaceful co-existence. Given that, what is a professional communicator to do? Does the communicator strictly confine their work to carry out the wishes of a client even if the client is only interested in getting their own point of view across? Or should the communicator inject into their plans strategies that attempt to generate good will and/or openness?

Working toward a greater good is not something everyone wants. This is because people often have a different idea as to what "greater good" means. Also, folks do not always see eye-to-eye as to what exactly is best for many. As a result, their focus is mainly on getting their point of view across. For the communicator, doing that effectively is so much easier and straightforward as an objective. That reality is unfortunate. Communication at its best represents is a journey along the high road. These days that is a trip worth taking despite the challenges it entails.      

Back to the Purpose

Though my years as a professional in public relations exceeds 40, I continue to wrestle with the fundamental question: What is the ultimate purpose of public relations? After all this time, one would think I would have settled this question years ago and moved onto to such others as the most effective PR tool or my most interesting PR challenge. Not me. I still have not left step one. At times, I think I have yet consistently I keep coming back to that basic question. Is the primary purpose of public relations to be heard or is it to build relations? Messaging or bridge building? One-way or two-way communication?

This question is vital to any public relations practitioner because the answer dictates the direction of the practioner's efforts as well as the future behavior of their client when it comes to interacting with others. Further, what makes the question complicated is that one can make a good argument for either possibility. This is primarily due to the reality both are and should be key factors in any PR effort or campaign. Am I making all this as clear as mud? Or, to some, am I taking a straightforward enough question and making it more complicated than is either needed or necessary? Perhaps the answer to both questions is "yes."

Nevertheless, the question remains vital. While I confess to going back and forth to each answer, I confess these days I learn toward relationship building - establishing and strengthening ties - as PR's number one purpose. It represents the need for professionals to work toward a greater good rather the needs of a singular client. Yes, we all want to be heard and understood. But the fact is any message is only as memorable as the effort made to impart it. For it to be truly effective, then recipients of the communique must be open to it. For that to occur, they need some type of emotional investment with the sender. This, then, takes me back to embracing the concept of PR as being about relationship building. PR as a practice and area of study must be packaged as such.

The Four Horsemen

The famous - or is it infamous - Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse were introduced to us in the Book of Revelations in the New Testament of the Bible. In essence, they represented the beginning of the End of Times for mankind. In other words, these are definitely not people any of us want to see riding by our house on a Saturday night. Recently, scholar John Gottman of the University of Washington devised a different set of horsemen as it applies to relationships. As a result of his extensive research, Gottman identified four connected yet distinct signals that represent the end of any relationship. Without exception, one or several or even all of these signals can be found any time a relationship between two people goes kaput.  

The four, according to Gottman, are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. One may be inclined to say, "Hang on, you see these most any time there is a disagreement between people." True. But the difference is should that disagreement escalate along with any or all of those behavioral categories, then they are a key element contributing to the demise of the relationship initially enjoyed by the couple. In this context, criticism is described as one verbally attacking another; contempt as attacking one's sense of self rather than their behavior; defensiveness as one seeing themselves as a victim; and stonewalling as when one withdraws to avoid the conflict.      

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling also represent different levels of a breakdown in communication. When parties that disagree do so in ways that are disrespectful, purposefully hurtful, and are personally-directed, then they are not behaving in a fair way. More to the point, they are communicating in a poor manner with little regard to the other person or, for that matter, the specific topic at-hand. Bullying another person or shutting down lines of communication represent acts designed to stop efforts to communicate effectively. The agenda of those doing that is clearly beyond bridge building or getting to a better place.  

The End?

It was one of those moments that made me question the future of civilization as we know it. Is this the beginning of the end? Or worse: is the end well on its way to, uh, ending? I was in a shopping mall here in South Korea when I turned a corner and smack right before me was - dare I say it? - a pet boutique. That's right. A very fancy shop for pet owners or lovers - perhaps fanatics would be a better word - filled with a range of accessories for beloved doggies and kitties. Specifically, I am talking about caps, booties, sweaters, fancy sleeping beds, and toys - to name a few - that, collectively, was enough to boggle my mind.

For people who shop at a store of this kind, why isn't it enough to simply own a dog or cat? What's the deal with all these do-dads that I cannot imagine the animal cares anything about. Do two dogs, for instance, run into each other in someone's backyard and complement their wardrobe? I think not.
So, the question becomes, why do people do it? Why do people choose to spend their money in such a silly and meaningless way? What are they communicating to the world by buying a scarf for their cat to wear? Probably the possible answers range from showing others how much money they have to  trying to show how much they love their pets.

My sense, there are deeper explanations having little to do with net worth or an affinity toward animals. The point is in all that we do we communicate. Having a dog for a pet communicates a certain message. Having a dog for a pet that you dress in booties communicates something else. I can only that if there is life after death, the entity behind it all is a forgiving soul when people who shop at pet boutiques face judgement. Seriously, much of this entry has been written with my tongue very much in cheek. Still, pet boutiques serve as a reminder that actions do represent forms of communication that we all may want to think about before taking.

Disconnect on Display

Rarely have any of us seen such a communication disconnect on display than what we are witnessing with the Trump administration these days. To give one blatant example, there is the matter of the administration's effort to institute restrictions to travel against Muslims. Trump's spokesmen insist his desired policies are not a travel ban. Then, within the next 24 hours there is the President himself claiming he wants to implement a travel ban against Muslims. It has happened more than once. Credibility anyone? In other words, what is a public to believe? On a larger scale, should the public believe anything anyone in this administration says?

Obviously, team Trump continues to have its supporters. But, boy, such disconnect is not making their life any easier. Even distractors are scratching their heads as to what to think about such a communication mess. We have even seen Trump representatives criticize the public and press for taking the Presidetn's tweets so seriously. Now we are told the President's tweets should be viewed as The White House's official statements.  One can only imagine what life for members of the Trump administration must be like these days. They are trying to portray a competent administration yet get undercut on a regular basis by the big boss himself.

Should they quit? Should they simply stop trying to guess what the President is thinking and/or wanting? Perhaps one thing they can do is have more direct conversations with the President himself regarding his stance on issues of the day. My sense is there is little of that going on behind the scene. Maybe the President has isolated himself from many of his staff. Maybe the staff is afraid to have direct conversations with the President. Either way, it is not good for them or the general public. If the Trump administration does end up collapsing, one big reason for that will be its poor communication efforts.

Danso

Boy, talk about struggling with communication. As I write this, yesterday I went to a music class to learn more about playing a danso, a Korean bamboo wind or flute-like instrument. Granted, I was the only one in the group of adults and youngsters who could speak anything close to fluent English. Being here in South Korea, everyone else could only speak their native language with only a little bit of ability to speak. Still, the challenge I had of trying to get a handle on the mechanics of this instrument was giant in-size. This is despite the fact the instructor and the others in class were super kind and very patient.

As a beginner, they were trying to teach the musical scales along with how to position one's fingers when playing. They might as well been talking with a chimp. When do you cover up the holes with your fingers? Which fingers do you use to cover the holes? Do you use specific fingers with specific holes? How best do you position the danso to your lips? What is the best way to breath as you try to play? These were among the basic questions that raced through my mind as they tried communicating with me. Oh, there was another: How can I get the hell out of here? Again, in all fairness, except for that last question, the instructor worked very hard in trying to impart to give me the information I needed.

At one point, a fellow student - a little girl probably no more than 10 years of age - stepped in and spoke in enough English to move me in a good direction. She called herself Boa. Thank you, Boa. Despite her and the others, my struggle with the danso never lessened. I never stopped struggling. Looking back, I recognize I may not be cut out for the danso regardless of the language differences. That is on me and not the instructor. But the good news is their efforts to communicate with me during the lesson were at least somewhat successful. I walked away with a tad more understanding of the danso. But will I return for next week's lesson? Even I do not know the answer to that yet.