Bumper Stickers

I like clever bumper stickers as much as the next guy. They are fun to look at while you sitting in your car at a red light trying to remember what it is you are supposed to pick up at the grocery store. It is almost like one of those brain twisters we see in magazines, for instance, that are supposed to be fun, yet harmless challenges. The key word here is "harmless" because the last thing I want is to be reminded of how little I know and then feel bad about it. But while I do not have a problem with bumper stickers, I am concerned with politicians and other public leaders who speak in what I call bumper sticker lingo.

It is one thing to try and explain complicated issues in ways that people can understand. That is, after all, what good communication is all about. But it is quite another to, for the sake of simplification, misrepresent an issue. That is not good communication, nor is it being honest. The current financial crisis of our nation that seems to be unfolding before our eyes is a case in point. This is a complicated matter that even economists are working to get a handle on. What are the causes of this problem? Can it be adequately addressed? How much of a burden will average taxpayers be forced to carry as a result this calamity? Is what we are currently witnessing the tip of the iceberg? The questions go on and on and probably will continue to do so for years to come. This is a very complex issue and cannot be explained away with a glib phrase or two.

This is why, in addition to everything else, our leaders need to focus on being good communicators regarding this issue and do an effective job of explaining it in ways that do justice to it and do not mislead the public. People will be more likely to support steps that the government ultimately takes if only they feel they are being treated fairly and honestly. Therefore, we need to beware of bumper sticker phrases , particularly on issues of this nature, because the odds are they are not conveying the whole truth. The fact is we are smarter than bumper stickers phrases even though we may not always be able to figure out what the driver in the car in frotn of us is really trying to say in the bumper sticker phrase stuck on the back bumper of their car.

Actions and Words

Make no mistake, everything we do as well as say communicates something about us. It gives a glimpse as to where we are at that particular moment. It suggests what is on our mind. Ultimately, it gives others insight into what kind of person we are. This, of course, is not to say that people always interpret our actions correctly or fairly. At times, they don't. At times, people completely misread our actions and end up assessing us as a person incorrectly. When this happens, it is unfair to us and them. This is why it is important for us to give as much thought to our actions as we do our words.

What are we communicating when we smile? What are we communicating when we see someone slip on an ice patch and simply keep walking? What are we communicating when as a presidential candidate we nominate a person who's experience people question to be our running mate and then parcel out her public exposure to the national media as economically as bread at a breadline? People around you draw their own conclusions and act accordingly.

My point here is not so much to make a political statement as it is to reinforce the old adage that actions do speak as loudly as words; perhaps on some occasions even louder. This should not be taken lightly. As a result, particularly if we want others to see us as we see ourselves, then it is important that we be as honest in our actions as we are with our words. Ideally, the two should be as much in sync as are our head and heart. Communication, after all, does matter.

Truth

Since when did truth become so complicated? Isn't truth supposed to be one thing on which we can all agree? For instance, I can look outside my office window and see that it is not raining. How could anyone take issue with that? Who could or would dispute that? The only time that truth will change is if it suddenly starts to rain. At that point, I will come forward with another truth: it's raining. Where things get complicated is when while I sit here looking at the non-rain, a person in Wisconsin may be looking out his or her office window and see that it is raining. Now we have two people telling the truth even though we are directly contradicting each other. How can this be reconciled?

The answer in this simple scenario is easy: each of us has to qualify what we are saying by sharing more information. That person needs to disclose that it is raining outside their office in Wisconsin while I need to say it is not raining outside of my office in Virginia. This is one reason why context is important. It helps put facts in an appropriate frame and therefore makes them credible. Without that proper and accurate context, the so-called truth can be misleading, misinterpreted, and misunderstood. It does not matter how nicely packaged any given truth might be. Statements of truth - as straightforward and simple as they may be - need context. Otherwise, while any one can speak truth, that does not mean what they are saying is true.

The 2008 presidential election is now in full swing and much "truth" is being put forth. But how much of this can be believed? We the recipients of this truth need to hold what we are hearing to the high standard it deserves by insisting all truth told us must be placed in proper context. If not, then we will not accept it as it is being given and will also question the credibility of the person or persons who are attempting to present that truth. Does that mean the candidates' message may need to be a bit more complex than they have been up till now? Maybe. Does that mean we are going to need to be better and more discerning listeners? No doubt. But when one is dealing with such a simple entity as truth, then it is vital that we keep the bar raised as high as possible.

Self Interest

Over two hundred years ago philosopher Adam Smith categorized people as largely being motivated by their own self interest. Men and women, he suggested, act in ways that best serve their own purposes and, ultimately, help them achieve their own goals. Fast forward to the 21st century and it would seem little has changed. (No, I'm not talking necessarily about politicians. That would be too easy. Rather, I'm talking about ordinary people like you and me.) This is particularly true when it comes to communicating.

People share their own thoughts, view things from their own perspectives, and listen with their own ears. The question is how much of this speaking, thinking and listening is done with other viewpoints being part of the mix? While the answer to this fundamental question has not yet been documented, it nevertheless is one for all of to consider as we navigate our way through the challenges of each day. Learning and understanding the perspectives of other people is one way of building a bridge. Not making this effort is nothing short of a bridge to nowhere. (Hmmm. Where have I heard that before?)

Taking the time to grasp what others are saying and thinking may not necessarily cause any of us to change our minds or alter our behavior, but it does make us step outside of our own hides and reinforces the notion that as a member of society, each of us is more than a "me" but instead a "we."

More Heart Vs Brain

Watching the latest round of advertisements being put forth by the McCain and Obama camps, this realization finally struck me: the choice people make as to who they want to be president is not an intellectual one but rather one that is far more emotional. Why else would the advertisements and endless photo ops be more geared to tug at one's heart strings than their brain cells? Why else would so many people - I'm talking to many of you ladies out there in America - feel so excited about Sarah Palin's nomination? Any intellectual argument defending the prospect of her being a heart beat away from becoming leader of the free world is flimsy at best. She may very well be a nice lady but "nice" does not make her or any one qualified.

For at least the past 45 years political camps have been appealing to the emotions of voters. Think of Lyndon Johnson's infamous ad of a little girl playing in a field of clover when suddenly a nuclear bomb goes off as an early example. Sadly, it has been down hill from there. Collectively, these ads have played into the reality that people enjoy illusion. They enjoy seeing what they want to see as opposed to what is really there. The late Peter Drucker once said the primary reason he so admired President Harry Truman was because of Truman's ability to focus on reality and not be swayed by the hocus pocus of deceptive communicators and communication efforts.

Communication matters because it can help people make sound choices. On the flip side, it can also deceive and trick people into making false choices or accepting false realities. It is all in who and what is doing the communicating. Up till now, the McCain camp is leading the pack when it comes to this kind of poor communication. As a voter who works hard at keeping both eyes on reality, I would much rather have a president who is limited and flawed than one that is a poor communicator. Straight, honest talk helps me make good choices that come from both the head and the heart.

Lipstick on a Pig

In a perfect world, there is only truth, no lies. Is there any one among us who has not at least thought that and perhaps even wished for it? One big challenge to making that happen, of course, is getting people to agree on what is truth. It is not necessarily that we "can't handle the truth," so much as that we, as a collective people, have trouble recognizing it. Everyone has their own perspective, bias, and way of looking at what is communicated to them. Most times, it is not as if people are being dishonest or wrong in how they view things. Mainly, it is just that their "take" on things is different. Untruth or dishonesty comes into play only when people approach something with a specific purpose of deceiving or misleading.

A recent example of this is the old adage, "lipstick on a pig." That phrase has been around as long as rock candy and naps on a Sunday afternoon. In our current presidential election, the Republicans are claiming democratic candidate Barrack Obama was referring to Sarah Palin, the republican's vice presidential candidate, as a pig in a speech he gave recently on the Republican Party's various policies. Do they really think that a presidential candidate would call an opponent a pig? (Please know I mean no disrespect to pigs.) I think not. But to hear some of the Republican spokespeople talk, they are convinced that is exactly what Obama did. One only has to take a few moments to play back this part of Obama's speech to judge for themselves.

Are these spokespeople being truthful or are they trying to deceive? With less than two months left in the 2008 presidential campaign, is this really what we the American public need to be contemplating? Is a debate on "lipstick on a pig" really the one we want to be having as we approach election day? Again, I think not. Yet this seems to be the debate that is being thrust upon us whether we want it or not. Deception is no stranger to communication, but neither is honesty. People make talk at us with deception in their hearts, but that should not prevent us from listening with honest ears and recognize the whole of what is being said.

Communicating Love

Over eight years ago I joined the Big Brother/Big Sister program. After meeting with a counselor within the program, I was introduced to a kind, but no-nonsense lady who was looking for a male figure to mentor her grandson. She took a liking to me and within the week I was introduced to her 12-year-old grandson. This young boy has now become a young man and is now too old to be considered a little brother. But he will always be my "little brother" much as he will always be my friend and, dare I say it, th son I never had. I have blessed to have him in my life.

Last week, his grandmother died. She lived alone and apparently had been gone for several days before her body was discovered. Even though I am purposefully not mentioning her by name nor sharing too many details about her life in order to honor the privacy of her and her family, this entry is a small tribute to a woman who took me into her heart. I also honor this person because she demonstrated that love is a feeling that is communicated not just by words or Cole Porter songs or flowers on special occasions, but by deed and determination and, at times, grit. Love is not always easy to give when the person to whom it is directed is behaving badly or whose attention is directed elsewhere. But love, nevertheless, is at its most inspiring when it is given in times of neglect and turmoil and doubt.

In the years I knew this lady, she faced many challenges with those she loved, yet her heart never wavered. She faced many reasons to doubt, yet her heart never faltered. She faced many
moments of neglect, yet her heart never turned elsewhere. Perhaps this lady was not the most articulate of people, but she was a great communicator just the same. She proved that communicating love is the most formidable of connections.

Heart vs Brain

How could any one not write about the presidential race nowadays? It's everywhere and that's how it should be. After all, this nation of ours is about to choose the next leader of our country and the person who will be the next leader of the free world. From a communication standpoint, it is fascinating to listen and watch the appeals being made by both parties as they strive to generate support. Basically, I lump their messages into two primary categories: ones that appeal to our emotions or the heart and ones that appeal to our intellect or brains. Sometimes, of course, they try to do both as was the case in Senator Obama's acceptance speech at the recent democrat convention. On the other hand at the republican convention, his opponent, Senator McCain, attempted to push our emotional buttons much like his running mate, Governor Pulin, did the previous night.

Which is the most effective strategy? Appeals to the heart? Appeals to the brain? Both? When alone in the voting booth, do voters vote with their hearts or their heads? More to the point, do people make good decisions when they act only with their heart or head? Ideally, the heart and the brain are supposed to be a team. But when one member of the team is left on the bench, then the odds of good decisions being made are reduced. Is this what our candidates want? Sadly, it would seem so. Even a quick review of presidential campaigns over the past 45 years reveals blatant attempts by candidates from both parties to push our emotional buttons. The examples range from Lyndon Johnson's 1964 ad with a little girl and a nuclear explosion to George Bush's 1988 Willie Horton ads to George W. Bush's 2004 wolves-at-the-door ads.

Of course, a strong, emotional message can be quite effective. These three ads are examples of successful emotional appeals. But just because a candidate makes an emotional appeal does not mean that same message needs to be received in an emotional way. Receivers of a message are just as much in control in any communication exchange as are the senders. Between now and election day, there is little doubt all of us will be overwhelmed with emotional appeals. As we process them, let us do so with both heart and brain. Too much is at stake for us not to utilize all of our inner resources as we determine who and what are best for our nation.

More On Listening

One of the tricky aspects of communication is there is no guarantee people on the receiving end of a message will understand that message in the way it was intended. All of us have our internal filtering system and, as a result, tend to place their own "spin" on what we just been told or have just witnessed. Sometimes this is good and sometimes this is bad. Either way, it makes the act of listening that much more challenging because that requires putting aside our own biases and predispositions - at least for a few moments - and trying to look at things from another person's point of view. Like eating a peanut sandwich without having a cool glass of milk to wash it down, it's easier said than done.

Too often people confuse good listening with agreement. Nothing could be further from the truth. Good listening begets good understanding. Good understanding begets good communication. It is important to remind ourselves that being a good listener is not a sign of weakness or a sign of being wishy-washy. In the aftermath of the attacks of September 11, 2001, for instance, many were criticized by the government for calling for the United States to gain a better understanding of why the terrorists took the dramatic steps they did. Perhaps if the government itself had taken steps to do this, then the ultimate they took in our so-called war on terror would have been different and, better yet, more successful.